Disco Dave

So on a night out, I have pulled an absolute weapon, for the story we will call him “Dave”. I am still unsure whether if I had acted more lady like in the first instance, whether this story would have gone a different way, but I guess I will never know!

So after the first encounter we have agreed to meet up again! Pretty nervous but chuffed with getting a invite to come over as he did have an amazing body, we are talking abs you could bounce a penny off, the lot.

Going to his means a 25 mile journey and we haven’t arranged to go out, but in life I have learned that you should always make the effort to look hot. When you look good, you get what you want. That is one of my life motto’s. The other being “you can’t polish a turd” but that’s another story.

So being the demanding diva I am, I have said that I am not coming over just for the deed, you need to feed me at least.

Being a girl, and I am sure you have all done it girls, your expectations are always way too high.

I very nearly stopped and got a bottle of LPR as he had said he would make dinner. Well I am glad I didn’t bother. Look, I know I am no Nigella Lawson, but if I had an absolute weapon coming to my house I would make the effort lay the table and even go to the extent of even lighting a couple of yankee’s. But hey that’s my problem…. Always expect too much and then end up being disappointed.

So got to his flat, 25 miles and 45 minutes later. I’m a girl that likes to eat, if you have read the do’s and don’ts of dating (the first blog – go and read it if you haven’t) then you would know that the way to my heart is through my stomach!

Walked in and asked so what’s for dinner…… He pulls out a packet of chicken breasts, a jar of uncle bens sweet and sour and a pack of microwavable rice.

I don’t know a better word for disappointed, but if I did I would use it. I am really fussy with chicken, the bloody bits on it and the strings of fat you have to cut them off. I did mention this and he wasn’t impressed so I said, I’ll do it, just in case. What topped it off was that there was a perfectly good table and chairs in his flat, but I was handed my dinner on a padded tray! So first strike mark is uncles bens for dinner….

Second strike… guys if you have a girl coming over…. Please, please, please do not ask a her to do any chores! To be fair we did have a good night had some drinks, had a bit of fun and then I wanted to relax and get in bed. I was then asked, “Can you help me make my bed?”. For the love of God, I do not even like making my own bed, it’s one of the chores that I detest. But a girl gets tired being a diva so I agreed and just did it.

Then we come on to the third strike….. I can make the perfect poached egg, which I am very proud of. In the morning he made me a bacon and egg sandwich, which I do rate him for the effort. However, after a night of passion and you have seen and touched enough plasma type substances, do not, and I repeat, do not, give a girl a snotty egg. Stomach turned and from that moment I knew it was game over!

xx